WHERE DO I BELONG?

Have you ever felt like you belong in two places..? like..you don’t know which suits you better..a calm country life or a busy city one.. this..I experience like a season of a year!

          It comes and goes but I never really understand where I truly belong.. the way my mind works and the weirdest dreams I have always tells me that I’m a bit of an overload for a small town life in India! I say to myself that I can really work out as a single independent smarty roaming around the city on my own without anyone, to go home to..  reach my apartment around midnight after watching a movie with multilingual friends I work with..ordering myself a Chinese food from any take-away restaurant that I read about!sleep without being rudely awakened by anyone for breakfast,get out of bed ,swich on the flat screen, make myself a coffee and sit down on my comfy couch reading the paper..  Without worrying about anyone else but me..and going with the flow of time and fun that life throws ..! yes..,it would absolutely suit me..because I am a kind of a solitude person with huge dreamy dreams! Might be these all are the fullest influence of the many foreign movies and novels I read..or.. might be I DO want to be like that! How do I know for sure..it’s such a crappy thing to choose the best for yourself..it’s easy when you do it for others..it’s too damn heavy if it comes to your own life!..because..

    I like going to a smallish place with no hi-fi facilities but just people..and chat and play around like a kid with my parents watching over me..I like to be scolded by my perfect father about me being reckless and irresponsible..I love that my mother tells me to behave just once like a grown up girl..I really miss having nasty fights (of the cause, that I never recollect at the end of it)with my big brother..I always loved being a little sister to most of my brother’s friends who talks so idiotically about how they love a girl! Above all, I love loads of people around me all time..and I really am damn proud that I have some really good non-backstabbing,non-cut-throat friends and family I really can trust with my life..really,its such a big deal in this ever changing world based on just money and sex!

    At your hometown you are the way you are born..you are the person you desire to be ,when you reach a foreign land,! no matter how much you were in love with your country back home, its a complete truth that you get immediately attracted by the easy going,i-don’t-mind-what-the-others-are-wearing kind of life style..seriously!!it just strikes you so badly that you wish you were brought up somewhere around there.. people don’t criticize each and every step you take..they don’t bother about your new hair cut,they don’t give a sneering stare at your choice of dressing,they don’t advice you to look a little differently..i mean..you can be your goddamn self!!! What else do you want with your life?

      Days and years pass(threshold varies..!)..some start missing their REAL home..some become too bitchy to accept that they are from a small town in India(well even India as a whole for that matter..!),some just act indifferent to the fact that they are in a foreign land(it just becomes their home..just like that!),some ..very few REALISE that the inner country-type part of you never dies,even if you move to Antarctica!

   Well that’s what I realized..I go abroad,spend time with my dad,enjoy a foreign life..even believe that I belong there more than my India..but it lasts for very few days..VERY few! And then I just know that no one could kill the country girl out of me.. !!

    Life abroad..,a different,independent one to the one we lead. might seem very sexy and attractive..!But even if I have the best days of my life there… it can never match UP with my India! I just love the disoriented, erratic life with no promises ..than the well organized hygienic and freaky life of abroad!