LOVE, UNASHAMEDLY ME!

    LOVE--- it has always been agreed unanimously as the single most treasured emotion in the world. Love is patient, love is kind, we believe. Love makes everything beautiful, we believe. It is all that is pure in the world, we believe--- after knowing of such a beautiful existence, why does everyone appear to be so clueless as to how to attain it? Why does it still feel like there is not enough love? Im assuming this is why..

        The word ‘Love’ has been romanticized so badly over the centuries that most of the gen x and y are megalomaniacs who wants nothing lesser than a ‘la la land’ story to post in their Instagram stories. But what’s alarming is, its just not the gen x and y..its almost everyone you meet in your everyday life. Everyone wants grandeur and glitter to their relationships. Be it friendship, sisterly or brotherly love, motherly love..i mean like every relationship that exists.(don’t forget the pet-parent one).

         Why has love become so larger than life? Why has loving oneself reached either a narcissistic or self-annihilating level of existence? And more importantly, why loving a fellow human being is to be followed by a facebook post? And why does helping an old man in the street deserve a selfie worthy of commendation?

         All these thoughts and questions did not arise over so many years.. it actually arose by observing the utter lack of Love for oneself in the past few years. By oneself.. I mean the one TRUE self.

         My questions are numerous ..but I haven’t found a coherent answer to all of them. Its got to be very simple. Because I feel the love everyday.. in every little happenings around me. Bit of a self-pompin’, narcissistic thing to say..yes!Even with it sounding so absolutely obvious, im unable to phrase it in a way to make everyone understand it. It physically pains me to question the same thing over and over.. “How do I make people intuit that loving oneself with all the perfect imperfections is the only way to lavish out and embrace love?”

          I watched a movie over the weekend called Love,Simon. Its about a closeted high schooler coming out to the entire world. Its getting pretty clichéd at this point. But there was something very hearty and painful at the same time about this movie though. The protagonist has an amazing squad and a very understanding fam. Even then , he holds back on his orientation since he was 13. The ‘why’ part of this movie was what was beautiful. It was not a tear jerking preamble to a lengthy tragic back story. It was very simple. He wanted everyone to remember him by how he was supposedly ‘conceived’ over the yesteryears. The conceived image of him being this, very handsome dude who is into football and girls. The image etched even with his family. The twisted , scalding, paper-cut kind of pain to the heart he feels every time he denies being ‘himself’ is..is the pain I see in every one of my people around me. Everyone experiences a different kind of pain in coming out as their true self.

          The pain of becoming molecular in the eyes of everyone. The pain of being dispensable or irrelevant in their friends’ contact lists… the pain of standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself that you will never be like your popular friend. Why has loving who you are become a burden you carry every day? The more worrisome question is, ‘Why are you ashamed of who you are?’

           Black,white ,brown,fat,petite,straight,gay,transgender--and many many more..many more things we are categorized into(im not even gonna talk of religion and caste right now.that needs an entire blog for itself) More the names, the harder it gets to breath in this society. All the negative feelings one carry is influenced by only 2 things. One, thinking a lot about the ‘I ,ME, MINE’s’ and a lot lesser about the ‘YOU,WE ,OUR’s..

           The next , more relevant for the current era, is presuming that ‘Reality’ is what is bestowed right in front of your eyes! Reality to you has become a branding exercise. A high end bike driving, gold dyed and blue lensed dandy looking fella is the coolest and happiest guy. A beautiful selfie at every angle with mild resemblances to a heroine MUST be the luckiest girl in the world…right? You try to live their exaggerated faux life thinking that’s the Golden Standard. You try to get better and better outside by losing all the love you have for yourself inside.

           Wishing to have a better image or a higher self-esteem is never a sin. But believing that YOU in flesh and blood is NOT the reality is the ultimate sin. Every action in TRYING to fit in this world , makes you hate yourself more every single day. With hating your every action , you are angry at every single person in your life. With all that hate and anger, you self-destruct and consider the world your foe. And with the world as the foe, you have no Love left to give or to be felt.

            Bit dramatic, yeah! But definitely not wrong.

At this point I can tell you..put your phones down, enjoy the rain, have a real conversation, admire a butterfly, feel more beautiful inside or find love in everything you do. But its not that simple is it?

           Ours is a society that judges you the moment you enter a bus..its not going to stop shaming you for who you are.. Hate will be the only word you will hear. Hate in the name of religion, hate in the name of color, hate in the name of everything you are BORN with. It will grow difficult and difficult and difficult. It wont stop till you howl in your bathroom with the water running.It wont stop until you reboot to the ‘Golden Standard’.

            But..you CAN evolve past all this! You can find the subtleties of Love among all this Hate. You can feel alive and happy anytime of the day. You can..only when you stop pretending to be of ‘Golden Standards’ and start nurturing your own Standards.

            Choose your battles wisely..choose a battle which wins you love. Fight all your insecurities your own way. Try to compartmentalize needs based on your happiness quotient. Don’t expect a textbook or even your parents tell you how to find yourself. But DO find yourself. Find a way to love yourself. Are you being shamed for being an arrogant person? You don’t have to prove them wrong. Just love your life as an introvert. BUT ..but if that comment affects you, work your way to become the firecracker of the group…ONLY if the comment demands a self-realization. If you know who are… just laugh at their face.

          Don’t be afraid..NEVER be afraid to find out who are you! when you know who you are..you will appreciate the differences and uniqueness of everyone. Surround yourself with people who knows who you are.. if you find a friend bringing negativity to your thoughts, avoid them. When a person looks down on another human being based on their birth or their appearance, don’t stand there awkwardly smiling..give them a piece of your mind!

         Break the golden standards! Define love with your own rules.

           Love is not an exuberant entity available to a very few.

              So just be unashamedly you! THAT is what makes you glow. And the warmth of your loving glow is all that the world needs.

THE CONVENTIONALISTS

We read an ample amount of motivational quotes every day. I read this..

“Yesterday is history, Tomorrow is a mystery, Today is a gift of God, which is why we call it the Present”—what an extraordinary thought. One Might say! I thought it was full of BS!

Is everything that prosaic? Is the past that ill-definable with regards to our ‘Present’? If future is to be so enigmatic and decipherable, why the relentless pressure to live towards it? Why does every aspect of ‘Living’ be defined in such abstract? Who the hell are these people who create the most despicable...STEREOTYPES!?

Millions of nerves, neurons and synapses connect in a way in sending a singular, collective message to the brain...it does not always involve in a Beneficial ACTION though. A society in par with the same hierarchy also is shortsighted...Large and hugely! A single person with a borrowed thought...says he wants to do business just LIKE his big brother or uncle—He accomplishes this feat with no less effectiveness than what his idol has achieved—he is extremely proud when everyone around him(who has no idea what the business it ,but just the final numbers)cherishes his success as if it was their OWN(Commensals)—business flourishes ,and every time for the next few years he receives the same level of acknowledgement as  his first success—eventually people are worn out ,so is the boy. His dream was a brainchild of his idol...He has fulfilled that now. His measurement of happiness was dependent on relations with other people...people who were just mere mirrors, who showed what he wanted to see. His life becomes repetitive, with his growth merely in money and not to satisfy a never ceasing passion for living. Where does his soul reside? With his family or his friends, perhaps?

The most primal thing in this universe is that all men are born selfish. Self-involved with the thoughts of existence. He will not perish easily..He invests every energy in his body to be an INDIVIDUAL among billions. His craving for being his UNIQUE self would never be satisfied if his actions seek the approval of secondary characters. Only when his primary thought involves his OWN hunger, will he smile… Smile is such an underrated emotion!

Every friend of ours...each and every one of them might love the numerous ways of your being. The way you help others, do not hold a grudge, listen patiently and many others. I hope you all find a pattern in that.. the pattern involves you being the perfect human being..in all the CONVENTIONAL AND STEREOTYPICAL way possible. If ..you supposedly step a liiiitle out of that..say that you have changed first time in your life for your OWN well-being! For your OWN survival, you adapted some new...Shall we say ‘a flaky’ approach? Suddenly the dynamics you have created around you does not encompass a cardinal rule of the supreme JUDGEMENTALISTS! They are so threatened by this..they blame you .they are angry at you..Because we have depraved their way of life and found our own. Simply said… it’s not EASY...BOOK- STANDARD EASY anymore to deal with you.

If surviving is considered egotistical and arrogant...If the most important aspect of YOU is nothing to your close allies...not even as a sound they recognize, then why should a secondary character exist in your life’s equation?! If someone can look into your eyes full of pain and say ‘Shit happens’ and has a hearty laugh in the most twisted of situations… Hold on to THEM dearly!

An ideal of a person can be criticized and ridiculed... it will be fought to be kept by a worthy person. But when they pass a judgment on a PERSON rather than his ideals…just because they don’t comprehend it? That’s the true hell on earth. Every individual has a story and path of their own.. Everyone should find a way to keep their life full of light..light that makes you smile! The smile only a very few will understand. The smile of integrity and compassion for oneself, which eventually translates to the laughter around you. Serves people the much needed unconditional love rather than sympathy and money.

 If someone identifies themselves with another person up to the molecular level, they do not exist. They are artifacts of the universe. CONVENTIANILISTS have caged every discipline there is…You are a criminal if you do not yield to your society, you are a failure if you don’t have a MAINSTREAM educational degree to your name, its inhuman if you don’t sympathize and cry over a public tragedy, if you don’t like talking to your relations, it doesn't mean you are an introvert with brains but an ANTI-SOCIAL menace, you are not even close to something called ‘beautiful’ if you don’t look a ‘particular’ structured way. I’m not even going to mention the ‘Marriage’ sector. Worst of all, you CANNOT SURVIVE THE WORLD if you fall into the above description.  Pity is a small word to describe what we should feel about the WELL-READ group of the Conventionalists.

What does erudition even mean if you are not consumed by a wider understanding of your priorities?

This society which we have created with so many news-worthy ugly stories...is the end product of everything we have digested thru the years. Securing ourselves in a shell that was created by our ancestors’ thoughts and rules does not establish your existence in this world. There is no one to blame but ourselves if we still keep feeding the Ugly Truth. Being innocent to the FEAR of fitting-in is the base for being the ‘fittest’ to survive.

Passion for life is where everyone’s heart should rest.. Humbled with integrity!

5 YEARS OF COLLEGE and the extinction of few old myths

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My 5 years of college life is over and with it ,are a few more myths about the world..myths that I considered realistic during my formative years. And one among them is something that changed the very foundation of my approach  towards relationships. Its called “unconditional love”

     My first year – everything is fresh and beautiful and everything was hopeful and possible. Human connections, my usual specialty worked  in many favorable ways . I move along very easily and happily around people. People being my batchmates, friends and family that I stayed in touch every day. Things started to change over the years..my internship being the crowning glory.

       My first myth—as long as I smiled and said yes unconditionally to every need of the people around me,I would be loved and  would be recognized as a very good person  who makes everyone happy( which I pathetically admit..happy to see others happy ..sometimes even  at the expense of my self-esteem)….

      Second myth—your friends would never take advantage of the loopholes in your stupid people pleasing character. When you show them how much you love them by spending or helping out,they would see your ‘heart’ rather than the money or ultimate consequence behind it.

      Third myth— worry free ,non-egoistic,open minded relationships that I had at my schooling would extend smoothly thru my college too. Not thinking about who takes out the money from their pockets first ..be it at the cinemas or a road side bajji shop,never finding hidden  meanings to every conversation that we had, not minding how every individual thinks about your group of friends ‘cause there never existed groups…likewise. Basically thinking life and relationships are easy to handle as long as you are ‘pure’ of body and soul.

       Oh this one I definitely gotta mention. My fourth  myth  is that raising your helping hand to every hopeless situation meant that I should act humane and responsible for anyone in trouble and never think about consequences or return-backs. That would be totally selfish of me if I don’t even try.(Ohhh should tell you..this myth is totally extinct. I mean totally)

       Fifth myth—my personal special! Money DOESN’T make many things. Atleast in my world it doesn’t. I was brought up with great values on that category—courtesy of my dad. For me, people matter,their unique characters and happiness mattered  rather than  petty green paper. AND this one just blinded me so much with its blow of non-existense(it must have been extinct before the T-rex did) that it took months..actually still taking to adjust my moral base.  

      There are few more notable myths of my crazy mind..

·         Respecting your friends’ opinion even  when you  know it’s the dumbest one you have ever heard.

·         Burying your own tiny wishes and enduring a little pain for your good friend is the best way to show your gratitude for their friendship

·         I would never utter my problems or sickness to my friends or family…ignorance is a bliss! They would be happier if I just acted happy…

·         And hoping and hoping among all this,that one single person might really notice when you are crying in and smiling out..this is is the only reciprocation I would want of a good friend.

          Well that was a very few..

. I sometimes used to be so frustrated when thinking, why a lot of things happened as it did..I was the one who thought everything is simple and lovely..when the hell did everything get so complicated! …

         As I see now, I see people focusing on what they want for themselves rather than for a greater good.. ‘Taking advantage’ is not a small word in my dictionary anymore. I have been increasingly recognizing every event of my life when  I was treated as a doormat to many ,in the name of being a relative,friend or a batchmate. That my profound stupidity of trusting everyone paid me big slaps by the end of the years…and the worst of all the thoughts that I got was that,’even my best of friends were around me just because I made them comfortable by saying yes in every situation”..accctually I  feel that I deserved all this for being highy imaginative of life.!And im not in moaning right now..’cause I have few of the best humans as my friends who I can trust without being scared of a snap again. Disclaimer for fairy tale endings was rewritten in a bitter way.(‘Should mention this too..old habits die hard’..even when you get punched between your eyes)

         Well enough of all the cynical part of it..i did earn a lot of good deeds too.

       Hundreds of conversation with thousands of strangers (patients and public) just made my philosophical and mental strength stronger.. it’s the lives of some people that can change your opinion on the way to live your own life.. from getting the best motivational speech from a transgender female in a train to the most intellectual young auto driver …those endless complaints and worries  of your patients and helping out a drugged guy lying on a road… limitless incidents of my independent stay…just made me a better person than being cynical and self-obsessed. Being on your own might change your life in many ways..it all comes to your own morals . I conclude with an absolute truth  understood from my college life..

      We are living in a time where everyone has turned into COMMENSALS ..sucking each other’s blood for existence. In the yester-years, they would say a girl/a boy is known to be good or bad by his family background and brought up. But I can strongly say that this isn’t even a % close to being true. The present generation ,leading their lives away from their families are mostly moulded by the society and by their own CONSCIOUS. Being morally strong and well behaved  has more to do with their experiences and exposure rather than what their parents have imparted from their childhood. There is no discretion in behavior according to any caste/religion but by their various shades of perception of this ever changing world.

    Anyone claiming otherwise is just fooling themselves…!

CHILD ABUSE - A CURSED WORD?

I have been very clear about a few things in a human life.. "Sex and Money" rules it all! Lets just get over this lip twisting,eyebrow raising looks when these are stated ..Why is this word so jinxed? I really dont get it. Is it because its too sensitive or is it because people are hiding the fact that there has been substantial increase in sex crimes over the years? And how many of us know that child abuse is the most rising crime in the country and at the same time the most disregarded subject of discussion even among adults?
      There must be a break to this silence ..silence created by the "embarrassed community" of India..! Let me explain ..There are 2 classes among this community.One,the group who are totally involved in such 'perverty' kind of activities and hide it..and the other are the one who are highly well- read and knowledgeable that they find it not in their dignified place to discuss it... And my guess is that most of the community people i know lie in the second group.Why is it so..?
  19% of our world's children are in India,meaning they form the future base of the world roughly.Among these ,53.22% children are reported to having faced one/more forms of sexual abuse .2 out of 3 are physically abused and the high risk group are among 5-12 years of age...just 5.!! How many of the best parents in this world truly know what is happening in their child's life..? Do they ignore these just because they are 'CHILDREN'..and that they will grow out of it? I just feel there is something very uncomfortable that   should be dealt with here.

• First of all,The myth that such a subject is delicate for the child's ears should be destroyed.
• Education alone doesnt raise the child well,.. there must be morals in their lives that will make them mentally stable and have awareness of what happens around.
• A  child should know his/her's offenders and react openly to a trust worthy grown-up (I hope to the core of my heart that it be the parents) rather than suppress the incident ,giving way for the offender to exploit repeatedly.
• A parent's role in their child's life is to be not just providing the best college,home and schooling but to respect them for their age..respect might be a huge word here but im merely trying to say that they shouldnt disregard or worst ,neglect talking about such things.'Its a normal event in a child's life' can be the most disastrous statement.They should be aware of the psychological impact of such an incident in the making of their child's life.
• Health of the children should be of greatest priority.Time of vaccinations,info on diseases should be told.A fragile child can be very vulnerable to an adult offender than a healthy one.
• Its always better to be known about 'Sex' through the parents than watching movies and commercials. It might be uncomfortable..yes of course. But doing this might dissolve the unrest and curiosity about the topic..which might eventually make the child grow up to engage in promiscuous activities to explore the "UNTOLD STORY".  Discipline and morals created by the parents create the best adulthood. 
• Last ..but never the least!!! Kindly 'ACKNOWLEDGE' your children's presence in this world around you.They go though every bit of the emotional turmoil their parents undergo.Its just that you dont NOTICE them close enough.
• Help them to cherish their innocence and make them into a dignified,law-abiding citizen of this world.

It should be legal to make dreams come true

Its not everyday that  you get the sudden urge to do something with your life  . Some part of your life or any incident sparks your inner deep desires .I for one, was always pulled to the concept of saving one small child…ANY ONE..!!! I want to help.

   Everybody have their own ways of finding their worldly pleasures ..movies,engineering,robots,sci-fi..etc. I find worldly pleasure in imagining ..imagining something huge .Its a dream..an ever persuasive dream for my future .In it..I roam everyday around thousands of unknown faces..tiny little hands greeting me,few just touching me..and im always surrounded by these faces..no specific ethnicity..just free will smiles of the innocent mass..! I see them…I acknowledge their ignorance..I want to hear every one of their stories..even the most trivial things that cross their minds..cherishing them..making me feel wanted by them..making me feel that I make their lives a little better! "Unconditional love" is what I will call this to be..MY love is unconditional to them . And ,I want to adopt every single one of them..feed them,dress them up,give the education they want..knowing their deepest wishes and likes! Wanting to be engrossed in their lives ..they need me..I NEED THEM!

    it’s a huge dream as I mentioned…but its not impossible! I have a plan and Im willing to start working on it .I want to acknowledge the presence of their innocent faces in this god-forsaken world!

    What can I do..?do I have money to sponsor one meal for a child..do I have means to even be in constant correspondence with them..im not sure at this point.im not sure that anything might work out. But I believe this.. 'where your heart lies ,its where your destiny awaits'…my heart lies there..i don’t still want to caress my bleeding heart whenever I see a documentary or some news..i want to do something about it. 

     Im not a big enthusiast when coming to the topic of god..but I wish..actually I want to believe that he exists and at this point ,..to help me start something that might change a very few lives . Please help me live my dream.. I have not been more passionate about anything in life as much as I want this..!

     I WONT BE WEAK..!  

WHERE DO I BELONG?

Have you ever felt like you belong in two places..? like..you don’t know which suits you better..a calm country life or a busy city one.. this..I experience like a season of a year!

          It comes and goes but I never really understand where I truly belong.. the way my mind works and the weirdest dreams I have always tells me that I’m a bit of an overload for a small town life in India! I say to myself that I can really work out as a single independent smarty roaming around the city on my own without anyone, to go home to..  reach my apartment around midnight after watching a movie with multilingual friends I work with..ordering myself a Chinese food from any take-away restaurant that I read about!sleep without being rudely awakened by anyone for breakfast,get out of bed ,swich on the flat screen, make myself a coffee and sit down on my comfy couch reading the paper..  Without worrying about anyone else but me..and going with the flow of time and fun that life throws ..! yes..,it would absolutely suit me..because I am a kind of a solitude person with huge dreamy dreams! Might be these all are the fullest influence of the many foreign movies and novels I read..or.. might be I DO want to be like that! How do I know for sure..it’s such a crappy thing to choose the best for yourself..it’s easy when you do it for others..it’s too damn heavy if it comes to your own life!..because..

    I like going to a smallish place with no hi-fi facilities but just people..and chat and play around like a kid with my parents watching over me..I like to be scolded by my perfect father about me being reckless and irresponsible..I love that my mother tells me to behave just once like a grown up girl..I really miss having nasty fights (of the cause, that I never recollect at the end of it)with my big brother..I always loved being a little sister to most of my brother’s friends who talks so idiotically about how they love a girl! Above all, I love loads of people around me all time..and I really am damn proud that I have some really good non-backstabbing,non-cut-throat friends and family I really can trust with my life..really,its such a big deal in this ever changing world based on just money and sex!

    At your hometown you are the way you are born..you are the person you desire to be ,when you reach a foreign land,! no matter how much you were in love with your country back home, its a complete truth that you get immediately attracted by the easy going,i-don’t-mind-what-the-others-are-wearing kind of life style..seriously!!it just strikes you so badly that you wish you were brought up somewhere around there.. people don’t criticize each and every step you take..they don’t bother about your new hair cut,they don’t give a sneering stare at your choice of dressing,they don’t advice you to look a little differently..i mean..you can be your goddamn self!!! What else do you want with your life?

      Days and years pass(threshold varies..!)..some start missing their REAL home..some become too bitchy to accept that they are from a small town in India(well even India as a whole for that matter..!),some just act indifferent to the fact that they are in a foreign land(it just becomes their home..just like that!),some ..very few REALISE that the inner country-type part of you never dies,even if you move to Antarctica!

   Well that’s what I realized..I go abroad,spend time with my dad,enjoy a foreign life..even believe that I belong there more than my India..but it lasts for very few days..VERY few! And then I just know that no one could kill the country girl out of me.. !!

    Life abroad..,a different,independent one to the one we lead. might seem very sexy and attractive..!But even if I have the best days of my life there… it can never match UP with my India! I just love the disoriented, erratic life with no promises ..than the well organized hygienic and freaky life of abroad! 

  

      

THE CHOICES

How many crappy hours of a day do you spend in brutally abusing others for the things going on in your life..? how many fractions of a second would you have cursed the driver of the usual bus you board,for coming a bit earlier than you did..? well I ve did it a zillion of times! The times I didn’t get a ticket for my favorite movie,the day I missed to attend a function at home,the day I forgot to take the damned hall ticket of my exam…loads of it..multiple silly things! It could start from not getting the proper food u wanted at a new place to the job you don’t deserve.. we grab hold of every single chance of letting someone other than us, hear,“its all your bloody mistake”..

   Is this what’s really happening? I can’t help but notice the many flaws in my statements, when I’m awfully cooled ,after everything goes right by the end of the day.. it all comes to this point in life..the point where you know or fully cherish the wisdom of your choices..the point where your mind is calm and settled without anymore internal battles of making the right decision..! so how the hell does this point in life reached.. I have NOT a clue! But..

   I am a great believer of destiny..hear me right! I believe in destiny and not fate..yes..! there is a difference, if you are wondering! Broadly speaking, fate is something predetermined and the finality of everything..and destiny is just a ‘probable’ outcome!! Uhhh..ok..lets say fate is something that always END bad and destiny is something that has a little edge over fate in being more pleasant(I’m sure Wikipedia has a better explanation)..our destiny has an edge over fate because of a small(really BIG..!) thing called CHOICES!

    You wake up,hit your noisy alarm to just shut up.!you decide you wanna sleep a liiitle more than usual..so u do so! Obvious sequelae is going through a much nerve -wrecking than usual morning schedule..comprising AGAIN of the obvious ‘missing the bus/train sequence’..well, you can imagine the rest of the day..! A choice can be as simple as this or as big as deciding to work your own way through a new electronic gadget(it would end disastrous for me..machines hate me).!the most important thing here is..your choices make the person you REALLY are! At this stage of life, might be we are the dependent group..might be we are biased about our choices depending on stupid adult recklessness..! Becoming aware of what’s really right and really horrific is..shall we say..always just a pandemonium.! Let’s just say that you have got your wisdom teeth now and you are growing into a rational human being..in that case,our choices is that all it matters…

   Destiny can be made of millions of anti-climax,sorrowful or fairy tale endings..it doesn’t change in any one single good or bad deed in your life but every single choices you made.!Consider this.. If you come to know that your lover is going to die in one day,might be you will make a better choice of giving her the best day of her life rather than telling her that things are not going good between the both of you..the choice of doing so,gives you the warmth of providing happiness to your lover and make HER also know that she made the right choice of loving you!..but her death is not in your control..it’s inevitable and cruel..The only thing is that you can vanish all your tears at her death by knowing you made the right choice! Some things in life are out of our control..but always make choices that will lead you in a better path to your destiny!

     Where your heart lies,is where your destiny awaits!